Breaking News… Henry, Wigan, Arsenal, Sven, Man City, Gazza

The minus touch

THIERRY Henry was so disappointed with himself after the Republic Of Ireland game he wanted to kick himself, the only problem was which hand to use? (via email)

“I’m expecting an open encounter, played at a high tempo with plenty of chances. I think the result is going to depend on who shows that coolness in front of goal.” Wigan manager Roberto Martinez’s gets one thing  right before his side lose 9-1 at Tottenham.

ARSENAL have denied chasing Plymouth’s 15-year-old midfielder Daniel Hart. As if they would be interested in someone that old.

FORMER England manager Sven-Goran Eriksson says his dream is to lead his League Two side Notts County to Champions League victory. Go back to dreaming of Ulrika milking Nancy, Sven.

MANCHESTER CITY, that’s CITY, chief executive Garry Cook will write to the club’s fans to apologise after announcing at a 60th anniversary dinner for the Official Supporters club at Eastlands: “I’d like to welcome Uwe Rosler into the Manchester United hall of fame.” He’s a Cock, sorry, Cook.

PAUL GASCOIGNE has returned to Newcastle in a bid to reignite his coaching career. The former England and Newcastle midfielder is working alongside Peter Beardsley at the club’s Academy. Lets hope the coaching is done in sign-language.