Breaking News… West Ham, Newcastle, Tottenham

New owners reveal new West Ham team bus

NEWCASTLE have claimed that their £100m asking price has attracted a positive response from several parties. Mainly the loud ones being held in households across Sunderland.

WEST HAM have targeted full-backs Rennes’ France international Rod Fanni and Middlesbrough’s Matthew Bates, as replacements for Lucas Neill. So that’s a Master Bates and a Fanni in for a giant c**k.

TOTTENHAM have offered Aston Villa David Bentley plus £8m in return for winger Ashley Young. Although, its believed Spurs would also settle for nothing in return.

TOTTENHAM defender Chris Gunter is wanted by Newcastle, Middlesbrough and West Brom. Apparently he’s gutted.