Breaking News… UEFA and Saha

UEFA have decided to award last season’s Champions League Trophy to Chelsea too, after Peter ‘didn’t save the winning penalty’ Cech got Goalkeeper of the Year, John ‘missed the penalty that would have won the cup’ Terry got Defender of the Year, and Frank ‘alright, we’ll give you that’ Lampard got Midfielder of the Year. A UEFA spokesperson said “Flippin’ eck gov, what a purlava! Those awards were a larf and a half, mate. It all went proper pear-shaped when they gave one to Ronaldo. Innit? Wasn’t it bleedin’ obvious it should ave been Kerry Dixon? My cap nearly fell off, me old mucker. You want some Jellied Eels?”

EVERTON have agreed to sign Louis Saha, subject to the Manchester United striker passing a medical. So he’s going nowhere then.