Breaking News… Liverpool, Ronaldo, Robinho, Arshavin

LIVERPOOL have announced a new sponsorship deal with Pollyfilla in hope they don’t crack-up again next season.

MANCHESTER CITY were delighted to bail out record signing Robinho after he was arrested over allegations of sexual assault. A speaking person said “we’re just relieved to have finally spent some money on a decent player.” Meanwhile, Robinho has pleaded his innocence, claiming that he misunderstood the woman after she asked him to show her that little trick he does between the legs.

MANCHESTER UNITED winger Cristiano Ronaldo has bought a seaside hotel in Portugal. Apparently the five star accommodating is overrated and over-priced but is good for people who like diving.

NEW Arsenal signing Andrey Arshavin is said to have a double life as a dress designer which made him the perfect candidate to get the number 23 shirt formerly worn by Sol Campbell. Campbell was said to be delighted that someone was willing to fill the gap he left wide open.