Breaking News… Hearts, Campbell, England, Stoke

A MAN who jumped from a 110ft from a tower block and survived has said he can’t believe that he fell from such a great height, in such a quick time and is still here. He’s been nicknamed Rafa Benitez.

SOL CAMPBELL has said he’d ‘jump’ at the chance of playing for England again. Lets hope he meant ‘off a bridge’.

HEARTS owner Vladimir Romanov says Scottish football is pointless because of the bias towards the Old Firm.

THE FA has denied claims that England’s footballers will be given Viagra tablets to help cope with the altitude in South Africa. The anti-impotence drug can boost lung capacity according to reports, and would certainly bring a new meaning to the term ‘tough tackling’.

ENGLAND striker Wayne Rooney missed the World Cup Draw because he fell sleep. “I laid down on my bed to watch the draw on TV and fell asleep.” Which, incidentally, is the best review of the event so far.

STOKE’S James Beattie has denied reports that he hit manager Tony Pulis during their bust-up after the 2-0 defeat to Arsenal. Beattie, who’s only scored twice this season, did try and throw some punches but just couldn’t hit the target. Ba-boom! Ch!