Breaking News… Gallas, Man United, Tottenham

WILLIAM GALLAS has been stripped of Arsenal’s captaincy for his outspoken, whining and one-sided views. Just where does he get it from, Arsene?

MANCHESTER UNITED striker Wayne Rooney once had his football confiscated by the police for playing in the street. Ironic, then, that most of his recent shots have ended up endangering the same place.

EMILE HESKEY will snub a January move to Aston Villa, but the 30-year-old striker is likely to leave Wigan for nothing when his contract expires at the end of the season. So still over-priced, then.

TOTTENHAM goalkeeper Heurelho Gomes has put his error-strewn start to his career in English football down to the fact he has more to do than he did at previous club PSV Eindhoven. I don’t think that needs a punchline.

JUANDE RAMOS, sacked at Spurs earlier in the season, wants to return to the Premier League. Actually, that doesn’t need a punchline either.

TOTTENHAM manager Harry Redknapp has tipped Blackburn boss Paul Ince to one day become manager of England. Seriously, these jokes write themselves…

ARGENTINA coach Diego Maradona does not expect Scotland to qualify for the World Cup finals on the evidence of his side’s midweek friendly victory. Wow, he’s a bloody genius…

MANCHESTER UNITED manager Sir Alex Ferguson has admitted he once turned down the chance to meet his hero Frank Sinatra because he was unhappy his side had lost to Charlton. Regrets, he’s a few… (sorry!)