Breaking News… Spurs, Arsenal, Beckham, Cole

SPURS boss Juande Ramos has said that the club’s players and staff call him the ‘the Perfect One’ following in tradition of Jose Mourinho who is known as ‘the Special One’ and Arsene Wenger who is famous for being ‘the trophyless-once-again one’.

FENERBACHE left-back Roberto Carlos and Ashley Cole swapped shirts after their Champions League game proving once again that Cole will take his clothes off any time you show him a Brazilian.

DAVID BECKHAM and Tom Cruise are considering buying a football club together. Likely candidates are Peterborough United as Beckham’s favourite position is from behind Posh.

PHILIPPE SENDEROS is said to be “mentally shattered” having broken down in tears after Arsenal’s 4-2 defeat to Liverpool in the Champions League quarter-finals. There have been plenty of tears shed over Arsenal of late, although mostly not in sadness.